They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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