Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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