so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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