The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I AM VODKA MAN
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
