dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
