Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
