If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize