I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
