what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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