You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
