so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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