another moral hangover. fuck.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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