that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
