She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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