Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
