is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
