New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
