he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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