at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
