I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
