my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize