she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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