is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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