I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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