is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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