I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
