well I can't set my house on fire every night
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
