i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I need water and some morals
Randomize
