don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
