Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
