do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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