She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize