four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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