So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
