I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
