My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize