I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
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I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
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Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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