she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
