If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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