If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Floor bacon is actually really good
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
