she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
