But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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