If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
