you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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