Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
