his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
