I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
