Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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