For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
