She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
