Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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