just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
