I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
