i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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