Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize