she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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