that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
