I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
handjob tips. give me some.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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