Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
