This girl is more easily done than said...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
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He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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