My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
