a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
